Don't assume you know me

One thing I really hate.. is people who think they know me. Really? You really think I am THAT person? Wow.. then you must have never really knew me at all if you think I am capable of something that is way out of my characteristics.

It makes me so mad. SOOOO mad. I am so angry. It's not even funny.

Am I the only one?

Is it common to wonder...

Do other people view me as the same kind of friend I see myself as?

Do others think as highly of my friendship qualities as I do?

Do others miss me and wish they had more time with me as I do them?

I mean anyone can say anything and straight up blow smoke up my ass.. and some can say it out of the obligation of needing to say it... but there are so many times I just feel so... friendless.. and just wish my friends from far away were much closer to me.. and I guess I just wonder... am I the only one?

Hard to love

We spend our lives fighting to be happy. I learned a long time ago the only way to be happy is to make your own happiness. But what if your happiness is in someone else? I know that is totally against the whole rule.. but really.. IT IS these other people that make me happy.

I don't think there is anything wrong with my children making me happy. My dogs making me happy. Oh I love me some Bentley! (I need to let that little guy in the house more often) But for some reason I feel like it is so wrong, for me to have my husband be a form of MY happiness. It's not like I am relying on him in anyway to make me happy. I know better than that. And not just towards him.. TOWARDS ANYONE. You CANNOT rely on anyone to make you happy.

But he.. who he is.. the person I married.. he makes me happy.

So maybe that is why I am so angry and resentful in a time like now where I feel he has let me down. I am disappointed in him and upset with him for what.. for being him? I guess.

I know at times I expect too much out of him. OK OK.. like all the time. But I don't think that is a bad thing. I know I say it's just much easier to expect nothing from him.. that way I am not disappointed in him. But really.. I have expectations for him. Because I know his potential. I know what he is capable of. I see it in him.. I see it with him and other people... but why don't I see it with me?

I know that I can be "hard to please"... but being hard to please... doesn't mean hard to love....or does it?