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I figured I should add a disclaimer of some sort on here. All my thoughts.. are original and unedited. I don't proof what I post before I post it.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Hard to love

We spend our lives fighting to be happy. I learned a long time ago the only way to be happy is to make your own happiness. But what if your happiness is in someone else? I know that is totally against the whole rule.. but really.. IT IS these other people that make me happy.

I don't think there is anything wrong with my children making me happy. My dogs making me happy. Oh I love me some Bentley! (I need to let that little guy in the house more often) But for some reason I feel like it is so wrong, for me to have my husband be a form of MY happiness. It's not like I am relying on him in anyway to make me happy. I know better than that. And not just towards him.. TOWARDS ANYONE. You CANNOT rely on anyone to make you happy.

But he.. who he is.. the person I married.. he makes me happy.

So maybe that is why I am so angry and resentful in a time like now where I feel he has let me down. I am disappointed in him and upset with him for what.. for being him? I guess.

I know at times I expect too much out of him. OK OK.. like all the time. But I don't think that is a bad thing. I know I say it's just much easier to expect nothing from him.. that way I am not disappointed in him. But really.. I have expectations for him. Because I know his potential. I know what he is capable of. I see it in him.. I see it with him and other people... but why don't I see it with me?

I know that I can be "hard to please"... but being hard to please... doesn't mean hard to love....or does it?

1 comments:

Brandi

One thing you should try to keep in mind is that you married your husband for who he is. Is he still that same person? Are you expecting him to be something that he never was? You can never expect someone to change. That is setting yourself up for disappointment. It is not wrong that someone else makes you happy, but your happiness should not ride entirely on someone else. You have to love the person you are and be happy with yourself first and the ones you love should compliment that happiness.

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