Friends. In HIGH or Low places.

Everyone's opinions of friends and friendships vary. What is a great friend to some could be considered a crappy friend to other.. and vice versa.

I think a general rule of thumb should apply.

Fair-weathered friends. People you consider friends.. but usually come around only when it is convenient for them.

Good friends. People you talk to and could possibly count on and go to for advice or in a time of need.

True friends. They are there through the high's an low's and when you aren't looking, surprise you by being an amazing friend in your darkest hour.

I know what kind of friend I am, do you know what kind of friend you are?

I think what would hurt me as an individual... as a friend.. is one of my friends thinking that I was not there for them when they needed it. Looking back at my friends that disappear when I could use them the most.. just shows me what kind of friend they really are.. and has taught me to not hold them in the same beaming light I have shined on them in the past.

Apparently I am not the only one.

My wonderful brother in law directed me to this....

http://awarenessoftheheart.com/wordpress/2008/12/10/dont-look-back-in-anger/#comment-106

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Don't Look Back in Anger

Posted: December 10, 2008 at 7:30 am | Tags: awareness, enlightenment, God, knowledge, philosophy,Religion, soul, spirit, spirituality

If I write something and it pisses you off, it angers you, or it makes you question something about yourself, why is that? Am I so wrong that it has caused a visceral feeling in your gut, or could it be that it has stricken a chord because it is true? As I said before, what I write is not about you. Not everything is about you or for you, or maybe it is. You tell me. You are the one who is upset. You are the one who feels the need to question what is written. If something bothers you, ask yourself why? Why are you really upset? Could it be that something inside fights to be heard?

A New Day

It is a new day... perfect for me... gloomy, wet and rainy and just the way I like it. I tried to sleep last night, but it was difficult to say the least.

These things I know:

• For the first time I have seen my husband differently than I have ever seen him before.
• We may have our trials and tribulations but our bond to each other is stronger than steel.
• I may not have all of the answers.. but I do know that we (he and I) will be ok.

I woke up this morning with an overflowing heart...not a broken heart. The love in my heart overflows for my husband.. for my children.. and for every person I know is a part of my life.

I am so thankful for no longer having a heavy heart... or a clouded mind. Even on a rainy day like today.. I can hold my head up, smile and say.. Everything is going to be ok.

Open for discussion

Vince's aunt sent this email and requested it be posted on my blog. Respond accordingly. My reply will be below it.

Hi Maryleigh,

As always I hope this finds you and the kids doing fine as I think of you so often.

I debated weather or not to respond to your "blog" and was going to ignore it but then thought, NO I can't do that! Yes, I read what you wrote. And no, it did not come from your in-laws but from a relative here in PA.

I have lived, as have many others within our family, with a serviceman that has been stationed oversea's. This serviceman, Vince included, has one priority right now and that is not his "spouse" nor is it even his children. It is to himself, keeping himself alive and well, and to his country. So stop making this all about yourself. YES, I can read between the lines!

At the time, when Uncle Larry served in Viet Nam on the front line, the only means of communication was by letter. You are so very fortunate that you now have so many means of keeping in touch with Vince that Uncle Larry was not afforded. The one thing he loved was reading about home, weather this included what his mom/dad, brothers or sister, aunts/uncles, grandparents or friends were doing on a daily basis here in the U.S.A. He didn't care if any one of us told him that we went out to dinner, what we had to eat or the color of the napkins we used!!!! It's called keeping in touch!!!

Right now I would think that you would want all the support and love from any family member regardless of past differences, for Vince's sake! I think you need to remember it is not all about you. I don't know what planet you have just landed from nor how high that pedestal is that your on but you need to dig your feet in the good old soil of this great nation and thank all those that served in the name of their country before you for what you have! This includes what Vince is giving up right now by serving his country.

I really regret writing this but it seems that you could care less about what you put into your "blog" about anyone else but yourself. WAKE-UP and get a grip, this is your husbands life that you so carelessly disregard. I was Vince's aunt long before you entered the picture and will always remain his aunt the loves and cares alot about what is happening within his life where ever he may be.

I hope this opens your eyes and ears. This is to let you know how "all" our family feels about Vince and the support that you do have weather your willing to take it or just pass it by because you refuse to see this. I'm sorry if this offends you but right now I don't care. It was so plain that you don't consider anyone else's feelings so I think you need a dose of your own medicine!

I hope you share this entire letter with your fellow "bloggers", they may see the light!

As always,

Aunt Denise

MY REPLY

I gladly will.. obviously you didn't hear about the nasty letter his sister wrote him, or the nasty letter his mother wrote him.. I am merely the "target" because I picked up the phone and said enough is enough. I can gladly share with everyone the IM conversations between Vince and I.. but you are calling me selfish when he is in Iraq and he gets crap from his family for not keeping up communication when they could have cared less about it before he left?

We were very generous with our time with Jil before we left. It was my idea to include her at his send off event.. and my family was their supporting him LIKE always.

Jil's message to him went back to when Vince and I met, as well as BEFORE he and I met. The problems his family had with him STILL get brought up all these years later, even the ones that don't include me. However I am the result of ALL the problems. EVERYTHING is my fault. The lack of communication between Vince and his family is my fault. The problem Vince's parents didn't come to his wedding is because of me. The reason his parents were there immediately after Jil had both of the boys but they could of cared less to see our children, were cause of me. Seriously? What planet am I on? What planet is everyone else on that I am expected to believe that I am that horrible of a person that EVERYTHING is my fault? All the turmoil..all the problems.. it's all my fault?? THAT'S CRAP. Because Debby and I were fine.. and to my knowledge actually building a relationship.. so I thought... I didn't realize I was just being used as her connection to Vince until she could talk to him at her convenience.

You guys care so much about Vince?? I can't wait to see what his response to this is I noticed you didn't include him in your rant. I have NEVER asked him to choose between his family and me.. but I think you just did that on your own. You think this ALL comes from me.. just because Vince would rather not say anything because in his words "all it will do is cause another fight.." or "my mom is never wrong..." that's fine. At the end of the day.. Vince chose to marry me. Regardless of what his family thinks.. we were engaged in Feb.. invitations out.. and 2wks before the wedding I was pregnant. So NO I did not trap him.. and you can kill that little rumor that has gone on for 7 years almost. Vince chose to come out to CA the way he did ON HIS OWN. I told him not to leave like he did. Not to do that to his parents. He wanted to just leave his parents at the hotel when we had the blow up in October when they were here. I said make things right before they go back and before you deploy. I am done being the target. I guarantee you.. ALL OF YOU..since you took the time to send this to EVERYONE... that even if I leave... you will still have your problems with him. They existed long before me.. and they will exist long after me.

Even more so.. Makayden and Maxson are Millers.. but shunning children over having to "be right".. you can chase me out and roll me in the mud all you want.. but my children deserve MUCH more than this.

I am fighting for who I am.

I don't know how to live in a world where what I want doesn't matter. I am use to having a voice, a very loud one at that. I am use to being able to have some say in my own life. But now it's like because my spouse is in the military and is at their beck and call, my life has ended? How does that work?

I never thought being a military spouse would be easy. I am not stupid and I surely am not naive. But putting my own life on hold? Putting my goals and dreams aside so someone else can fulfill theirs? Fine.. I've done that. Am I really expected to do that for the rest of my life??

If giving up everything I am as a person.. the being that has made my soul.. in order for someone else to live their life.. then something is wrong. I can't live in a world where my life is all about someone else.. and their life is all about them. Aren't we both suppose to make our lives about each other? AND still care about OURSELVES?

I can't do it anymore. I can't give 110% knowing that I am getting 0% in return. If I give you 110% and you give yourself 110%, what the hell do I get? I'm over this. I can't do it anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. I have a choice to adapt to the person I am becoming.. or fight for who I am.

I am fighting for who I am.

It is not always about you.

I talk to a lot of people, in various environments daily.

Many of my blogs are inspired by conversations I have with other people about what is going on in their lives. However, just because their circumstances prompted my thought process, doesn't mean that I can't relate to what they are going through.

That being said.. I am passionate when I write. I only blog when I'm fumed or broken about something. I don't just write because I am bored. I write to stop thinking about it so I feel that my thoughts have been productive.

So if you think I am talking about you.. I'm more than likely not. But the fact that you THOUGHT what I said was about you...what does that say about you?

Push and Pull

I don't get it. I really do not get it. I hope by the time I am done writing this.. I will get it.. but I really doubt it.

How can people WANT people in their lives and then pull them like the strings of a puppet? Is it control? Is it power? What is it?

I watch people I love and care about, myself included, be manipulated and hurt by the actions of others. And for why? Because we care about other people? What the f? No seriously... what... the f?

I want to throw my hands up in the air, scream I'M DONE!!!!! and walk away... from every person who has ever been a half-ass friend to me. For every person that has let me down. For every person that has ever disappointed me.

............but doing that, wouldn't be me.

I am THEIR friend. They are NOT mine. Something my mother told me years ago. I will always be a better friend to them, than they are to me. What upsets me, is how ANY can treat someone this way, and call themselves a friend. Maybe they don't see it.. maybe they are too selfish to care.

I am thankful that I live a life where I don't need self-validation from other people. While, yes I would love more 2-way friendships, I am perfectly content with the people in my life I know are my true friends. Everyone else... yeah.. you know who are... I'm not going to call you out. It's not my responsibility for you to be a better friend. That's your own choice.. But it is my responsibility to not allow you to hurt me.

If you can relate to this.. I suggest you do what I do.. and put THEM on notice. We are the friends who love unconditionally, are there at 2am, or at 3pm on a lazy Sunday afternoon.. we are the friends that don't give up on others, we are rare, we are strong, we are resilient.

And when you push us away... we pull you back in.

I highly suggest that you if can't deal with having someone in your life who apparently cares more about you, than you care about yourself... that you kick rocks.